Interogating Edward - Part 1

*strolls in to club* Edward? *drops in to an expensive squishy leather chair* EDWARD? Your late! Hurry the hell up! *Mutters* Jesus keep a woman waiting why don't you...jackass. *Edward appears, a beer in each hand*  Oh! Nice of you to show Mr Cullen!

Shut your bitching and drink your beer Bex *smirk*

*glares* God you're such a punk. 

*shrugs, taking a pull of beer from the bottle*

So...some of my lovely readers were curious...y'know...about you

Oh yeah? Me huh? Go on....

They sent in some questions, they want me to ask you.  Are you up for that Cullen? *raises eyebrows*

Sure why not....*dirty smirk* but I'm not telling you how big my dick is...

No one cares about your di....No! We're not having this conversation again! I'll ask, you answer - got that

*nod* Do your worst sweet girl....

Ok *clears throat & gets comfy* Nice chairs. So....

Are you a winter or a summer person?

No preference. They both have pros, they both have cons. *shrug* It's easier to keep the dogs clean & dry in the summer, and business is better but I kinda like the solitude winter always seems to have. 

As much as I love big cosy sweaters & comfort food, I'd rather see you in some board shorts *winks*

What difference do the shorts make? You've seen me in a lot fuckin less….

*blushes crimson* Uh….moving on….questions…yeah..

I've noticed you're well defined, do you work out, or are you just naturally hot?

*laughs* I don't work out, I hate the fucking gym. Cramming myself in with a bunch of heavily sweating strangers and paying $35 for the priviledge is not my idea of healthy! I do run though.  First thing every morning and some evenings too.  It's free but it keeps me fit enough and clears my head when I'm stressed. I take the dogs sometimes.

Do you wear….shorts…when you run? *waggles eyebrows*

*smirk*  Why don't you come with me an find out?

Because clumsy and running do not mix well! At all! Ever! However if sitting on a bench and watching you run laps is an option then I'll gladly take that!

You just want a stop watch and a chance to shamelessly perve

Correct! And that's wrong because….?

*shakes head and laughs* Gimme the next question shorty….

Okay…..Do you owe taxes? Apparently that would be a huge turn-off....

No, but I don't like fuckin payin them either. *mutters something about taxes and bullshit before sipping his beer* Would it turn you off?

Hey, I ask the questions!

Yeah well now it's my fuckin turn! *boyish grin*

*mumbles in to my sweater* noitwouldntturnmeoffyoucouldhavehugeboogersandyou'dstillbehot.  Ok, there, all done, happy now?  And don't look at me like that…all…..all cheeky and boyish and…...it's cheating!

So fucking cute when you get all flustered…

Hush up and answer the next question! 

Are you a kiss on the first date kind of man?
All depends on the woman.  So lets go with maybe.

Maybe? That's not an answer that's avoidance!

Your on a first date. The guy is a total fucktard.  Do you kiss him?

No! Of course not!!

Ok, now your on a second first date with…...psht, I dunno…..me. Do you kiss me?

I hate it when you're right, you know that?

You'd still kiss me though….

Jesus effing christ Edward! Stop being right and just answer the next question!

Are you a person that likes to give flowers and chocolates, or just show up to fuck the night away?

Um.....I don't really do either.  Flowers don't last, chocolates are cliched and we've already gone over the fucking.  There are a lot of ways to make a woman feel special, you just have have to know what she really likes but most guys are too fucking stupid or impatient to bother finding out.

Does that apply to all the women in your life?

Well there aren’t many of them....but yeah.  I mean I'm not gonna go to the store and buy you crunchy peanut butter when I know you like smooth.  I'd never buy Alice anything beige…it's not a real color or some shit….and Esme can't have flowers because they trigger her allergies. *shrug*

Wow! You know all that?

*nod* Pretty fucking sure that Emmett doesn't though.

That's because food, sex & beer occupy about 95% of his thought process! *snort*

*leans back in the chair and lets out an amused chuckle*

Ok…getting intimate again here. What has been your most memorable sexual encounter? ;)

Jesus some people are so fucking nosey! Who sent that in?

Uh….I can't tell you that….confidentiality clauses and such….we'll just call them....anon.

*pouts* Fine! Well then "anon", I suggest you ask Bex this question. I'm pretty fucking sure she'll know the answer.

Uh….I will?

Yeah! *licks lips*

How the hell am I supposed to know what your…..*checks list*…."most memorable sexual encounter" is?

*smirk* You were there….

Uh….I can't……you…..*drops the list* shit Edward....next damn question!

In general do you like to give or receive?

Give.  Especially to people who were dealt a shitty hand by life.

Why is that so important to you?
*leans forward, propping elbows on knees* When I was a kid I wanted for nothing.  I was raised well by parents who provided me with love, opportunity, and an education…..*shrug*  We take all those things for granted and forget that some people aren’t as fortunate.  Giving back something…anything…is the least we can do.

And what specifically is it that you do to give back?
Every 6 months I dip in to the profits from the club and split a sum of money between 3 different charities.  I try to donate fairly.  

That’s an admirable thing to do…

It's the only admirable thing I do…

Shut up! Next question….

Something tells me that this one may also be from Anon! In the bedroom, do you like to give or receive?
Fuck. Both. *clears throat*

Well that’s a given really! Ok so moving on….

Lights on or off?
On.  I like to see everything.  But you already knew that, right? *grin*

*sigh*

Doggy style?
Why the fuck not!

Typical...

Ooo here's an interesting one! Are you the jealous type?
Uh....not usually...*sighs and tugs on the sex hair*

But?

But Bella being with another guy….*exhales, tightly gripping the arm of the chair* I just…..it fucks me up…..I feel 50 fucking shades of envy just thinking about it!

Easy there Tiger! Do you know what happened to her back in Washington?

No….Alice knows but says it's not her story to tell so….wait…was there a fucking guy?

You know the only person able to tell you anything is Bella. There's more to it than meets the eye but she's decided to stick around so that buys you time.  But lets move on to something lighter before you crush the chair...  

I've noticed a lot of men around these days that seem to share your name, does that bother you?
I can't say I'd noticed.  It's probably all those crazy fuckin Twilight fans naming their kids after that pansy ass sparkly dude.

He's NOT a pansy! He's brooding and sensitive! Have you ever even read the damn books? *huffs defensively*

Fuck no! Not planning to either! Newton reads them on his breaks….likes some guy named Eric? I don't fucking know, I tune out when he starts babbling about that girly shit!

Well can you tune in to me and answer the next question?

Sure….

What is your favorite color?

Everything in a box of Crayola.

Uh…can you be more specific?

No! I don't have a favorite, any color is a good colour in my book.

Well your "book" sucks ass! *pokes out tongue*

Yeah well I spank ass so you can either bend over and let me get show your peachy little butt who's fucking boss or you can ask me your next question! The choice is entirely yours sweetheart! *pats knee suggestively*

*swallows hard* Option 1.  Fuck! Option 2, I meant 2!

What are your food dislikes & likes?

Dislikes? Definately cucumber. That stuff tastes too watery; all bitter and shit.  And Celery.  I hate that too! You may as well be eating Jack's goddamn beanstalk.  I like pretty much everything else but I fucking love peanut butter......

*blushes from the neck up* Uh….that's….it….

Funny how it's your favorite too….

Will you quit throwing me off like that!? It's distracting!

*wicked grin* I'd say I'm sorry but you know I'm not….

What's your favorite song, movie, drink and flavor of ice cream?
Wow, ok, nice and simple.! These are just what I like at the moment...they change frequently

Song: Fader by Temper Trap

Movie:  Pulp Fiction

Drink: Beer or water

Ice Cream: Cookie Dough or just plain old vanilla.

Easy peasy right? Moving on….

Do you have a shoe fetish?
Fuck no!!  I just like good quality sneakers thats all.  Preferably Nikes. 

Turtle's pretty fond of your Nikes too I've noticed….

Fond of chewing them to shreds, yeah! Fucking devient dog! You usually just see the laces hanging out of his slobbery mouth *laughs*

*kicks my feet up flashing a pair of purple Nikes* Mine remain un-desecrated…. *smug grin*

Yeah for now….

Do you realize how sexy you look behind a bar? That could be a dangerous weapon if you used it properly. I hadn't realized.  Should I hang a mirror to check? *smirk* I'm just kidding.  Seriously, bar work is far from sexy, especially when your Newton…or a customer who can't hold their fucking drink...  

Urgh, that’s digusting!

Told you - not sexy!  

It would be if I did it....

Oh? You wanna work the bar?

Yeah! Teach me how to be an alcohol serving godess!

*reaches out, grabbing Bex's hand, pulling her out of her seat* C'mon then...no time like now. Lets go teach you some bar manners...

I have excellent manners actually, it's you who needs the schooling on that! *slaps at Edward's hand and trots off towards the bar, the list discarded on the empty squishy chair.....*