Chapter 1: Breath in, breath out

~* Bella *~

"Bella? Bella wake up sunshine."

I groaned, squeezing my eyes shut. "Tell me it didn't happen," I mumbled, my throat dry, my head thumping. There was a quiet sigh as I felt the bed shift to my left. "It did, didn't it? Fuck..."

I felt long slender fingers brush over my forehead and down my cheek. "For what it's worth, I think you did the right thing. Come down when you're ready, okay? The boys are at daycare, and breakfast is waiting."

I nodded and opened my eyes. "Thanks Alice."

She smiled and left the room as quietly as she'd entered.

My stomach lurched at the realisation that no one else was going to be that easy to deal with. My choice may have been the right one, but that doesn't mean they had to like it. I groaned and rolled out of bed, stretching as I ventured cautiously over to the window. I peered out, half expecting to see Jake and a lynch mob out on the front lawn with fire torches and pitchforks, all baying for my blood. I rolled my eyes at my own stupidity. Nothing there, only the hideous little Garden Gnomes that Alice insisted on collecting and her pretty little flowerbeds, full of daisies and marigolds. She fucking loved yellow.

I stumbled in to the bathroom, admiring Jasper's latest handy work. The house had been an empty shell when they'd moved in. Everyone thought they were out of their minds taking on such a big renovation. But Alice's eternal optimism and Jasper's laid back Southern ways had proved to be a winning combination. A year later, they'd proven everyone wrong and took great delight in saying "we told you so" as everyone gushed over the fixtures, carpets, and color schemes. They'd turned a desolate, crumbling house in to a beautiful family home. The guest room, along with its bathroom, were finished months ago, but, despite the constant badgering from Alice to come and stay, I'd not managed to take time out from work. I felt a twinge of guilt as I realised I was here now, not because I'd finally made good on my promise to visit, but because I'd managed to make a mess of my life.

I peeled off the pajamas Alice loaned me last night and turned on the shower. I stepped in and took a minute, just standing under the water and letting it soothe me from head to toe. It felt so fucking good. I sighed before groping for the shampoo, popping open the lid and inhaling the familiar coconut scent. It was my favourite. I smiled to myself; it was almost as if Alice had been expecting me. I reluctantly shut off the water and wrapped myself in a towel.

After scrubbing my teeth with one of Alice's emergency toothbrushes, I stepped back in to the bedroom. Folded neatly at the bottom of the bed was a pair of yoga pants and my old university hoodie. I smiled, suddenly thankful for Alice's quirky little habit. She had always insisted that we keep some spare clothes for each other. I remember her saying it was "in case the unexpected should ever happen." I also remember thinking she was crazy and teasing her relentlessly about the irony of expecting the unexpected. She'd huffed at me and taken them anyway. However, it seemed Alice had been right, and I started to very much doubt there was anything for which she was actually unprepared. I chuckled quietly as I realised that this was probably the safest place to be in the event of a hurricane, cyclone, snow storm, tidal wave, or nuclear war...or Armageddon, in fact. I pulled on the clothes and padded downstairs, hesitating as I neared the bottom. I sucked in a deep breath and wandered in to the kitchen.

"Hey, Al." I flopped in to a chair at the table, grabbing an apple from the fruit bowl.

"Hey, B, did you get any sleep?" I gave a small nod as she put down a huge bowl of oatmeal in front of me.

I forgot about the apple in an instant. "Um...a little, it was kinda restless..."

She sat herself in the chair opposite, sliding a steaming mug of coffee towards me before sipping from her own.

"Perfect, thanks." My stomach rumbled, and I suddenly realised how hungry I was. I added a huge spoonful of honey to my bowl and started to eat, devouring the contents in minutes and licking my spoon clean. "God, you always make the best oatmeal."

"I rarely have it now, the boys don't like it, and Jas rarely eats breakfast. I don't like to make it for just one."

I smirked knowingly. "How many bowls did you have this morning?"

She looked sheepish before grinning widely at me. "Two, okay? Two bowls! Who died and made you the oatmeal police anyway?"

I raised my eyebrows. "Y'know, Rose would have a fit at the calories we've just consumed."

Alice smirked, shrugging before she spoke. "She's lightened up a little since she met Emmett. I mean, not that she really had much choice; he eats like a horse!"

I sniggered into my coffee. "They both okay?"

She nodded. "Yeah, the business is doing really well, and they still hump like rabbits."

I rolled my eyes, shifting slightly in my seat. I knew what was coming next. I concentrated my stare on to the apple in front of me, willing it to help me avoid the inevitable question. Too fucking late.

"B, what happened?"

I bit my bottom lip and fiddled with the sleeve of my hoodie. "It.....it didn't......I just....there was....."

I could feel the lump forming in my throat, and my eyes started to sting. Do not cry, do not cry, do not cry. The panic I'd felt yesterday had returned to the pit of my stomach, and the tears started to flow. Shit! Traitorous tear ducts.

Before I could even blink and look up, Alice had appeared at my side. She was crouched down, her hands gently rubbing my knees in an attempt to calm me down. "B, whatever it was it'll be okay. You don't have to talk now, it's fine."

I knew she meant it, but she was Alice, my best friend, my family. I didn't want to drag her in to my fuck-up, but I had to tell her. "I want to talk," I mumbled.

"Okay, let's start at the beginning, Bella, Why'd you turn up on my doorstep in the middle of the night, with no bag or suitcase, wearing what is quite possibly the world's worst wedding dress?